by Clockwork Carruthers
Feb. 3, 2006
In 1985, young and ambitious Dreaderic Tatum sat in his high school classroom. Not only a straight A student, Tatum was also the captain of the wrestling team, and a full back of his high school varsity football team. Twenty years ago, this struggle between jock-stylings and nerd-dom had caused him to lose many friends. The ostracization carried on until his graduation when he decided just to be a pro-boxer. While always putting forth his most noble efforts in the ring, it was soon apparent that he was not going to be a contender.
Graphic cartoonist and film director Enki Bilil wrote a graphic novel called Froid-Equateur. In this novel the key characters engaged in the first ever game of chess-boxing.
Dutch artist and latent homosexual Iepe "The Joker" Rubingh was inspired by this idea, and in 2003 organized the first ever chess-boxing tournament held, and even won it himself.
Iepe after winning the first ever chess-boxing tournament held in Berlin, Germany, though was accused of cheating by his opponent Ivan Ivanavich who claimed that,"Iepe fondle my noodle during fight"
Upon hearing of this ingenious idea of mixing Brawn and Brains, Tatum decided he had to study more into this. He found a trainer, Russian chessmaster and bodybuilder Janet Evanovich (who is also a novelist on the side) to lead him in the way he should go. She realized he had much more potential than he had been given credit for as a Welterweight in the WBC. Interestingly enough, there is only one weight class to worry about in Chess-boxing (bishop weight of course) in which every fighter was involved. I guess you can get away with this in such a small sport.
He worked his way up the ranks as a fresh new contender in this humble sport, and had become a crowd favourite. In fact he had become so good, he had a once in a lifetime shot at the title against Iepe himself, which proved to be the toughest feat he'd ever imagined.
Friends and family observe in disgust as Iepe destroys Tatum's soft face and weak Sicilian defense.
After 7 rounds of sheer torture and ultimate humiliation, Tatum's corner gathered in the "hutch" and decided to throw in the towel after his Queen's rook and king were forked by Iepe's knight. Tatum was nothing but another lousy bum. You're nothing but a bum! A BUM TATUM!!!