by Clockwork Carruthers
Feb. 18, 2006
In response to the British government's ban on smoking inside public buildings (read here), the Underground Nincompoop talked with famed public smoking advocate, The Smog Strangler.
The Smog Strangler (Nigel Crompton) speaks directly to the English lower-middle class in the East Anglia region of England. More specifically, Suffolk's chief town of Ipswich at the head of the River Orwell's estuary. It is believed that his intents are stretched foward though towards as far South as Cornwall and as far North as North Umberland.
Where do they get off? Have we not learned from the tinkering of the tankards of ale in America? A bloody society can not function sans-fag as well! To quote former British Statesman Stanley Baldwin, "A Platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it."
The truth is that every bloody European smokes, and to take away our fags in the midst of the so-called "war on terror", would change the English People's Axis of evil directly towards MPs. What brings a tear to my eye is the poor barkeep who has to take the blame for telling every Limey one of us to put out our fag the second we light it.
Biting and scratching may be the Scots folk's wooing, but we have every right at this Podunk Junction to shave our brows in pain. Well I say the Cabinet can take a bellend to the rear! England will start building places where illegal fag-trafficking and crime can run rampant...call them smoke-easys.
England is now proper-F#$%^D!!! We have gone out of the frying pan into the fire. We must rise against this tyranny. From the feudal lower-class herring fishers and tata-farmers to the bourgeousie bastards that have been putting us down for years. We must join together and act now. A stitch in time saves nine, but we have been burning our candles at both ends just to make ends (meat).