by Clockwork Carruthers
May 4, 2006
As if things couldn't get any worse for MLB slugger Barry Bonds, yesterday during batting practice he was struck in the head by a foul ball. Upon waking up from the daze, Barry immediately telephoned his lawyers Michael Rains and Alison Berry Wilkinson to examine the options. Rains was available for a phone interview:
"We have hired a team of statisticians to calculate the odds of Barry getting hit in the head by a foul ball and the results were very probable. We were told that because of the size of his head, Barry getting struck by a foul ball is comparable to finding a penny on the ground heads up (no pun intended)."
A lawsuit against sports training agency BALCO was filed in court later that day.