by Dillon Farnum
Feb. 18, 2006
Recently I had the opportunity to sit down and chat with an actor slowly rising to fame, Adrien Brody (better known as the poor man's John Cusack). You may remember Brody as the lead in The Pianist, or as the village idiot in The Village. Instead of talking about his acting though, I took the alternate route and decided to focus primarily on his proboscis (nose to the lay person). In this interview he tells us about his favorite smells, least favorite smells, and his smell comparisons. I'll let him do the talking...
DF: Welcome to my humble adobe Brody. Comfortable?
AB: Yes thank you, except your feet smell like Dixie brand Cheetos and Pink Bismuth. I think i'll be fine though.
DF: That's great. Well let's start off talking about that nose of yours. Why is it the size it is, and do you think it gives you a sense advantage that most people do not possess?
AB: Well the size of my nose is most likely because I'm Jewish. That explains why I was so adament to be in a movie such as the Pianist. But I have also been involved in many accidents in which I have broken my nose. I used to be an avid-daredevil, and would do off-the-wall stunts on occassion. You'd think the surgeries would f$%# with my sense of smell, but it really didn't affect it at all. Ever since I was younger I have won plenty of bets by guessing what was in a garbage bin without even looking. The kids hated me, but they kept coming back for more. I guess that money put me through acting school. So the fact that this powerful sense can earn me money puts me at an advantage over most people.
DF: Incredible. So what are some of your favorite smells?
AB: I enjoy the beautiful aroma of the salty sea.
DF: But the sea is an offensive odor...that's why people shower after they go to the beach, haven't you noticed that? Sorry, continue.
AB: The smell of a new stereo fresh out da box. Pizza after a lot of heavy drinking. Hot Chocolate after shoveling my neighbors' driveways during a heavy snowstorm. Granny Smith apples. Elmer's Glue. Old Guitar cases. New Car. Nitrous Oxide. My woman-piece's neck. Printer paper. Home Depot. And Upper Deck baseball cards.
DF: That's incredible, though I'll have to disagree with the Nitrous. The last few times I've taken a hit it was a bit ripe.
AB: Well to the normal human being it should be odorless, but dogs can hear a higher frequency than most humans which is exemplified when one blows a dog whistle. My sense of smell is similar.
DF: Awesome. Now that I think of it, it was probably the balloon I was smelling. I think Tyrone had to sneak it into the club through means other than a backpack.
AB: Sick, venal!
DF: That's ok. So what smells do you dislike?
AB: Well I mostly dislike the same smells that most people hate. Port-a-potties. Vaseline. Eyeglasses cases. Old Library books. Ranch Dressing. Locker rooms. Dead skunks. Period Blood. Nintendo Cartridges. Fresh Sulfur. Water treatment plants. Hungover Asian girls. And barber shop combs.
DF: Well Henry David, you're very thorough.
AB: Yes I do take pride in this amazing sense. I can also compare particular smells to something more tangible. Have you ever noticed that semen smells like a mixture of freshly cooked broccoli and chlorine?
DF: Well that's enough for today! It was great chatting with you Adrien. I hope your life is fruitful and happy. I am now going out in the hallway to throw up about something else.