by Dillon Farnum
March 14, 2006
Recently a team of Scientologists in Los Angeles, California that has been working around the clock to find new ways to bring clean, renewable energy to Hollywood has finally done it. While the exact details of this new form of energy has been kept secret by the Scientologists, we know that they have been testing in the laboratory for the past sixteen years. We also know that the procedure involves making some sort of 'biological scaffolding.'
Scientologist John Travolta is heading the experiment and leaked a few words to the press, "We have based our works out of 1987 Pulitzer Prize winner Johannes Georg Bednorz and Alexander Muller's experiments on superconductors to better distribute electricity. Only we have a better resource. We've found that by utilizing huma.......lab rat brains, we can use their nerve pulses like shocks of electricity. As a standard, the bigger the brain, the more power can be extracted from it."
Some of the Scientologists involved include Tom Cruise, Kirstie Alley and Jason Lee, all with Bachelor of Scientology Degrees. They have been sharing the wealth and knowledge of scientology to the masses, sometimes even requiring a few acting schools to require scientology courses with weekly labwork utilizing the overtly glorified scientologific method.
The Clean Power Campaign has become sympathetic to their cause, and has decided to lock arms with the Scientologists. Tonight, Scientologist John Travolta will speak along with Jonathan S. Weisgall (Chairman of the Clean Power Campaign's Board of Directors) at a benefit banquet celebrating the convergence of the two groups.
The banquet venue is exclusive and looks like it will seat only 55-75 persons. They probably won't let me in.