by Johnny Guatemala
March 1, 2007
FREDERICK MD- California atheist Michael Newdow, who garnered media attention for his efforts to remove references to God from the Pledge of Allegiance and United States currency, has taken his ideological war to the footsteps of the Golden Arches. Newdow and other atheists have bigger fish to fry while they appeal their Supreme Court losses. And if they have it their way, no fast food franchise will be frying any fish any time soon.
Newdow filed a writ of mandamus brief with the Maryland Supreme Court ordering a temporary injunction against the sale of all fish sandwiches during Lent, claiming it represents "society as a whole catering to religious establishments."
"This is the ultimate case of society pandering to religion. How are we supposed to keep the church and state separate if we can't even get people to keep church and restaurant seperate? I'm calling on all atheists to boycott McDonald's and other fast food restaurants during Lent. After that, they should feel free to resume buying their product, since the McRib will be back in season," said Newdow.
Newdow reads a scathing indictment against McDonald's (strawberry shake at feet not pictured).
Father George Harbester, a bishop from Gaithersburg, Md., scoffed "He can't even get rid of 'under God' from the pledge, and that's only 50 years old. How's he going to end thousands of years of Catholic Lenten dieting?" off the record, although it is being printed because I am an unethical reporter.
Chick-Fil-A, a Christian-owned company that closes on Sunday to observe the Sabbath, has already fired back, essentially giving Newdow the finger. "Sounds like something he'd do," said Arthur Harps, regional fiscal officer for the chain. "We've tried to be as hospitable as possible and turn the other cheek, but ever since he started holding weekly atheist meetings in our restaurants and refused to speak in a soft volume so as not to disturb others, he received a lifetime ban. He's been trying to sue us ever since. This is actually our 13th suit from Newdow. You better believe we're going to fry fish during Lent. Just for the principle of it," said Harps.
Accused of deliberately targeting Christianity and purposefully picking high profile entities to sue, Newdow responded,
"This isn't just about the Filet-o-Fish or any other similar fast food fish sandwiches. We've also lodged a formal complaint with Panos Greek Restaurant on Washburn Avenue, just in case they decide to serve lamb. It's a heavily Jewish area over there, and there might be a chance Jews would go there for a Passover seder," said Newdow. "If that happens, you better believe they're going into the suit as well."
Although CNN covered the affair, it was plain to see that public interest in Newdow's high profile antics were wearing thin. Field reporter Rosa Sanchez reportedly commented, "eh" about the whole affair.