by Johnny Guatemala
March 8, 2007
PETROLEUM IN--Petroleum resident Monica Ade lamented Friday that her coupon offers just didn't compare to those of her rich cousin, Melanie Thurber, who resides in the somewhat ritzier Fort Wayne suburb of Huntertown with her husband Rick, a successful computer software salesman.
"Melanie told me on the phone she found this great 10 percent-off coupon for a day spa downtown from her Valu-Pac. All I find are coupons for window installation and carpet cleaning in mine. I'm sure she gets them, too, but she also gets the spa coupon and some other great ones," said Ade.
Despite the fact Petroleum is a more rural community in the greater Fort Wayne area, Ade doesn't feel it's that far away to justify the gap in quality coupons with her suburban cousin.
"Hell, they can send me the same coupons and I'll drive to Fort Wayne to use them. It's only twenty extra minutes, and I'd sure use that 20 percent-off lawn reindeer coupon at Yule Barn's regional Christmas sale. I'd probably buy a box of paper-mache angels since I'm out there. But I'm not since Melanie has the damn coupon and I don't," she said.
Ade went into further detail about how Thurber could get discounts at retail pizza chains like Papa John's and Domino's, while the only one available to her was at nearby Sharky's, which serves "those disgusting cubes on their pizza," referring to diced pepperoni.
Thurber reportedly threw out her Valu-Pac after inspecting, finding little value indeed.