by Johnny Guatemala
Sept. 16, 2007
INDIANAPOLIS-- Marty Anchorage, 28, perused his CDs after several months of not listening to any music in his collection, anxious to pull out a retro rewind that would take him back to his feel-good high school days, despite the fact he hated high school and was slipping into revisionist nostalgia after repressing a slew of hurtful memories.
While passing by his Weezer blue album, Stone Temple Pilots collection, and a hidden gem in Sponge's Rotting Pinata, Anchorage got a sudden chill remembering his numerous Dave Matthews Band CDs.
After four years at Purdue University, Anchorage accumulated the musical knowledge and taste to think better than to listen to DMB anymore. Long the staple of feel-good music seekers and those trying to lure college girls, the Dave Matthews Band's consummate musical ability and homegrown fanbase tricked many into buying their albums, believing they were listening to a "band's band."
Anchorage immediately wished he could take all his DMB albums to the Record Exchange, only to find that the albums were already gone, changed in three months ago for $6.50 that was well spent at a Taco Bell.
The albums went into an already large bin of DMB records, with several copies of Under The Table and Dreaming, more of Before These Crowded Streets, and scads of Everyday and Busted Stuff, highlighting the band's rapid decline. The only artists with more store presence were Phil Collins, Phil Collins-led Genesis and Dan Fogelberg.
Although Anchorage couldn't explain why he didn't get rid of the DMB albums in college, he felt a sigh of relief, and attributed the minor panic over still having the albums to phantom pain.
Dave, take your place next to Phil (you're only a Disney musical score away!).