by Telemachus Gaffiganiakis
Feb. 24, 2006
This is Ali G:
While Mr. G has become popular because of his hit show in the UK, Da Ali G Show, which can be seen on HBO in the U.S., Ali was certainly not aware of what was coming to him yesterday. Ali G is portrayed by actor/comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, who spoke to the media earlier today about problems he has been encountering.
"I 'ev been gettin' a lotta calls from you all. A lotta calls. And I din't undastand why. Why is it that you callin' me? You askin' me stuff about why I fell a couple times? Was I proud of the silver metal? Silver metal? The only metal I wear iz gold! Gold on my fingers, gold on my neck, when I finish with you, gold 'round my waist! Sorry, I reference that old wrestler Razor Ramon."
It became apparent that media sources had accidentally become confused when looking at their celebrity phone number directory. Several newspapers and magazines were attempting to reach figure skater Sasha Cohen.
Cohen suffered two falls during the early portion of her long performance on Thursday and fell from atop the leaderboard at the end of the short program into second place, bringing home a silver medal for the United States at the Winter Olympics in Turin, Italy.
"I din't know what you all waz talkin' about," Ali G continued. "You talk about a fall because I din't get high enough. High enough? Like ze Damn Yankees song? Remember ze Damn Yankees? So, I thought you's waz talkin' about when I spoke to those tree huggers who loved the land and lived in trees to make sure they were saved. I told 'em to nuke 'em, you know? Nuke all those people and the world that don't understand. Nuke it all."
Ali G wasn't finished yet. He lambasted the media for their musical queries. "What was all that about my choice of song? What song? C&C Music Factory "Everybody Dance Now"? That song is ze song I can play on ze harmonium, you know that?"
Ali G performs hits from C&C Music Factory and Wreckz-N-Effect for the media.
Members of the media who accidentally contacted Ali G provided him with a written apology. "I accept dis apology," Ali G said. "I love you guys. You guys like ze apple to my juice. All I ask for iz a little of de privacy, and a whole lotta respeck!!!!!"
Ali G concluded the media session by bringing out a boombox and singing some of his favorite early 90s classics. "Shake it, shake it, shake it now, SHAKE IT! She can spend every birthday butt NAKED!"