by Telemachus Gaffiganiakis
May 31, 2006
Elvin Cramer, an art history scholar and professor, has found secrets that could shake up the devout Greek mythological community. The secrets are not found in the brilliant sculptures of the Grecian past, but rather in the works of a renowned artist. One would think that such puzzles could be found in the cubism of Picasso or the impressionism of Monet, but in fact it is found in the natural settings of the work of Bob Ross.
"It is clearly found in Ross's seminal work, 'Water Glistening in Front of a Mountain #94.' If you look closely at the work, there seems to be a figure looking down into the water, but there is no reflection looking back on the young man. It is obvious that Ross, who notably is directly descended from Greek mythological blood and must know stories passed down to him through his family, is depicting Narcissus. If so, this completely dispels the myth that Narcissus looked at his reflection and fell in love with himself," Cramer said.
Cramer will speak at the Oregon Museum of Metropolitan Modern Art (OMOMMA) tomorrow night at 8 p.m. about this subject. Books by Bob Ross, who passed away in 1995, and Ross's well-known art kit for beginner and intermediate artists will be on sale. Cookies, juice, light cheese, and baklava will be served after the lecture.
However, Cramer does have his nay-sayers. Professor Katherine D. Fentley of Franklin State University says the evidence is flimsy at best.
"I've seen the work that Dr. Cramer speaks of, and it's very difficult to make out if that is Narcissus, let alone if that is even a person in the picture," said Fentley.
"Mr. Ross decided to paint a large tree out of Van Dyke Brown in front of the mountains along with some Yellow Ochre on the fringe of the river, thus obstructing this supposed man kneeling in front of the water that Dr. Cramer sees in his hallucination. Plus, how can you even trust any contemporary artist's belief of something thousands of years old?"
A spokesperson for Ross's business, which includes the rights to his show The Joy of Painting, would not attest to the claims made by Cramer. "I can't tell you one way or the other about this subject. I don't know what Bob thought of when he painted or what his motivation was. All I can say is that this fiasco is reviving the wonderful paintings of Bob Ross, who touched us all on public television."
"I am convinced that this is true," Cramer said. "I am working on a book right now all about it, which will be released at some point in the upcoming months. All of the chapters will be two pages long for the convenience of the readers."
Security at the OMOMMA will be high in anticipation of any potential murder that could lead Cramer on a random goose chase for who is responsible. When asked about the lecture, a spokesperson for the Oregon Council of Greek Descendants responded with one word: "OPPA!"