by Telemachus Gaffiganiakis
July 21, 2006
Recently, the New York Times reported that the term "slut" is now a pervasive part of teenage vocabulary to the point that it is equivalent to a word like "chick." However, many teens are now saying that another condition is popular: acne.
"Apparently, teenagers looked around at each other and realized that many of them had acne. It suddenly became very desirable. The more acne you have, the more attractive you are," sociologist Aretha Cianfrocco said.
"It's crazy, dawg," said 15-year-old Marcus Hillenbrand. "I went to a party this summer, and for some reason, all the sluts were all over the dudes with acne. I don't know why. It just hit big over the summer. I've had a clean face all my life so far, and now it means nothing. I've started eating fried foods every meal in the day. I'm even rubbing my dog's shit all over my face. I need acne otherwise I'll get no poonanny! Need it!"
Many experts says that the recent phenomenon is inexplicable. "I'm not sure how to completely explain this. All I can tell you is that P.Diddy is probably crying right now knowing how much sales of ProActiv are going to tumble." Cianfrocco commented.
One of Marcus Hillenbrand's classmates, Allan Warnecke, has taken advantage of the recent acne craze. "I only have one thing to say," Warnecke commented.
"Thug 'em, fuck 'em, love 'em, leave 'em, cause I don't fuckin' need 'em."