May 25, 2006
The Underground Nincomblog's prison correspondent Derrick "Big Sausage" Kerner is reporting that not just the city of Houston or workers across America are rejoicing in the conviction of former Enron CEO Kenneth Lay, but the nation's prisoners as well.
"All the prisoners can't wait to find out which prison Lay's headed to and for how long," Kerner said. "He dicked over so many Enron employees, now we're looking forward to him bending over if you know what I'm saying."
Lay's sentencing is scheduled for September 11. He faces up to thirty years in prison and an exorbitant amount of fines after being convicted on ten counts related to fraud.
"He hurt all of those white collar workers," Kerner said. "For most of us in here, the only time we ever wore a white collar was at our trials. Don't make no difference. There going to be riots over whose bitch this guy will be. He better not come to my neck of the woods or he'll be mine. But, yeah, lots of guys want to be the one to put some Kool-Aid on this guy's lips."
While Lay spoke of God being his ultimate judge today following the convictions, perhaps not even God can protect him from his future on Earth.
"Let me put it this way," commented Kerner. "In the words of Mario Cantone, we're gonna put a Band-Aid on Lay and make him our Nelly."
It's nice to know that our taxpayer money goes to allowing prisoners to watch such quality programming as Chappelle's Show, and then cite a quote from it. "He ain't gonna watch any CNBC ever again," Kerner concluded.