June 2, 2006
The Underground Nincomblog writer Gene Shalit's Afro was arrested on charges of disorderly conduct, public indecency, and marijuana possession in the early morning hours on Friday in a suburban Seattle neighborhood.
Police believed that Afro was under the influence of a combination of drugs and alcohol. According to sources, after carousing with some artsy cafe-going types, Afro stumbled upon a wealthy suburban neighborhood which includes the home of baseball player Omar Vizquel.
Vizquel's acrobatics (L), Sauerbeck (R)
An avid Cleveland Indians fan, Afro began to shout, "F*** Mesa!" outside of Vizquel's property, causing neighbors to call police. No one was in Vizquel's residence.
"It seemed like a calculated move," said Sergeant Thomas Terwilliger. "Even in his drunken stupor, he knew where Vizquel lived, and that's the message that he wanted to say to him."
Police arrived on the scene minutes later to find Afro urinating behind a bush shouting other sports-related profanity. When police arrested Afro, he shouted, "This one's for Sauerbeck!", an allusion to Indians relief pitcher Scott Sauerbeck's recent bizarre arrest. Afro later claimed that the marijuana he possessed came from a jacket he wore a week earlier while in Alaska, where it is perfectly acceptable to have that amount of marijuana on your person.
The Underground Nincompoop released a statement on the arrest of Afro: "It saddens and embarrasses us that a co-worker and friend like Gene found himself in this situation. We support him through this trying time in his life, and will help him as much as we can to see him through this. As a whole, we would like to apologize to our supporters. As we've said, this is an embarrassment which could have been prevented. We told Gene not to go to Seattle. That's the city that invented Starbucks, and that Bill Gates owns, so it has to be dangerous and untrustworthy, but he just wouldn't listen."
According to Afro's lawyer, Dr. Gonzo, Gene Shalit's Afro will make a statement to the public tomorrow on the matter. He will spend the day in jail before being released on bail tomorrow morning.